I wish i was a “normal” girl

Exactly as the title says. Being trans in sg is mentally and emotionally draining.

Normal people dont know what its like at all. People love to give lip service on how you should do what you like, be who you are, but when it comes to being trans? Suddenly its something to joke about, or youre just being selfish, or youre just an attention seeker.

They laugh at you for what you like, and then look at you weirdly for wearing things you like. I cant count the number of friends ive lost because they either saw me as being selfish for coming out to them. And then theres the ones i cut off because they never saw me as anything more than a quirky boy who likes to crossdress. To them its nothing serious, but to me its my identity that i struggle with everyday.

And not to mention all the pressure. My parents are constantly trying to impose the idea of conforming to masculine standards and hate it and interrogate me for everything i do to identify more with my true self. It took several years of arguments before i even got to keep “long” hair (which for the record is still ridiculously short, not even a third of my neck). Even until now i have to keep things i like like crossdressing a secret so i can hide in the closet.

And when it all got too much and i fell into a period of depression? The counsellor i was sent to decided religion was the best way to fix me. Because i wasnt hearing enough about how acting like the opposite gender was the teachings of the devil and against the word of god at home already.

Its not like i like this life of suffering. I hate myself for missing school. I hate that i have to treat everyone with distrust and walk on eggshells around my friends to keep my secret. I hate the look in peoples eyes when they look at me, i hate the way they talk behind my back even where i can hear them. I hate the dysphoria that i cry over at night, i hate the way i hate my own voice and looks and body. At the core i just want to be, and be treated like a normal girl, is it really that hard…